whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
