no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
