its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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