Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
