tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
