I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
