this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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