What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
