She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
