i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
