I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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