omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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