Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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