He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
