i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
