I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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