I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
