So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I could fuck to npr.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
