i just sent this text using only my big toe
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
