mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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