1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
