Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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