Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
