If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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