could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
