she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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