I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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