Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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