she was so not down for the gang bang
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
