My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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