That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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