nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
