I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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