I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
