I CAN MOONWALK!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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