i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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