just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
