It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
