can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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