i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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