i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
