Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
