I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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