I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
