apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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