They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
