Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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