I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
