U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
