Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
