I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
