You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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