lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
