i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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