Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
